Please tell me there’s more….

So, here I am blogging on my husband’s blog, something I said I would NEVER do! I am actually against blogs. Or should I say I have a love/hate with them. I think it is a waste of time and yet I find myself reading up on friends’ blogs. I guess it is the only way to keep up on some people’s lives. Anyhow, don’t judge me on my writing skills because I have none. Just thought I would get off my mind what has been swirling around in my head!

Ever since DGV closed down I have been shocked at what has happened to me. I have realized that when the title of “pastor’s wife” was taken away there went my relationship with God. I have become complacent and lazy. Not wanting to be “spiritual” or grow. It has been a rude awakening to realize that when the church closed in a way so did my heart.

I have these random thoughts about life that almost scare me. Today I thought about how we are born, we live some dysfunctional life, and then we die. How sad is that?! I find myself struggling to go to church on Sunday and I just sit and listen during worship. I don’t have much emotion during worship and that is strange for me. What happened to passionate worship and extending my hands towards God? Was it real or was it what I did for a title or job?! I would like to think that there was a time when I knew God and felt His presence. If I think back on my life I know there are moments when God spoke and I responded. I think it was real. But what happened? When did it all become work or a show? How did I loose hold of the very thing I was supposed to be living for?

Well, I can tell you that I have been processing a lot these last few months. I have come to believe that God must be doing something in my life. As sad as I am about DGV closing and all the hurt that comes with that I think for me personally it was best. I needed to realize these things about myself. I needed to know that my relationship with the Lord was being lost in the title and the work. What would have happened if I kept going on doing the motions and not really living the life? I don’t mean to be too honest here or sound negative. I am just putting out there what I am going through. The good thing is I know God is real and I know He has a plan for my life.

I like to joke that God has left me or forgotten who I am. Sometimes G and I joke about what God is doing with us! But the truth is I do know He is at work. I believe this time is important for me. It’s a time to realize things about my walk with Him. It’s a time to change things so that the next thing we do I am ready. I desire to run full speed ahead but desperately want to be grounded in Him first. I guess now that I have realized these things and can see what is happening to me I need to change them. My fall project I guess! Anyhow, those are my thoughts people…well, at least for today!

-H

Sweet Stella

Jury Duty

Heidi had jury duty today. We were both dreading it, fearing she would be put on an O.J. Simpson-like case that would go on for months. Fortunately, today was it, but it was close. Heidi sat for hours on end, listened to people complain about being hungry and finally, at 3pm, they chose thirty people to interview (out of about 150) for the jury.

Heidi made it to the group of thirty and was the first to be called. They grilled her with question after question. It was a harassment case. A man violated an order of protection placed on him by his ex-wife. The part of the screening process that received the most attention was the fact that I was a pastor. The judge and lawyers wanted to know how we dealt with couples with marital problems and whether we counseled people. Then they huddled together and whispered things—who knows what. Then they asked her if she would be able to disagree with other jurors, keeping her opinion even if the other eleven jurors were of the same mind. I guess they wondered if she had any backbone, or if she was just a “nice” pastor’s wife (anyone who knows Heidi is laughing right now). She said, “I give the term ‘Pastor’s wife’ a whole new meaning,” and got some laughs. After the cross examination, they dismissed her, thankfully.

When Heidi came home, I wanted to hear all about her day, but all she wanted to do was sit on the couch and have a beer (just kidding). Since I had spent most of the day at the house and since the kids wore me out, I demanded that she take me out to dinner. We went to Culver’s.

My wife has one of the world’s toughest jobs.

Oak Park Vineyard

This morning we attended Oak Park Vineyard and came away with our souls encouraged. The church building holds a lot of personal meaning for Heidi and I since it is where we got married nearly five years ago. Wayne Fife preached about “Becoming Like Jesus.” The pastors are taking an unconventional, depend-on-the-Spirit approach to preaching during the summer. They decide minutes before the service who is going to preach. They gather for prayer before the service and wait on God to impress on them who should preach. Scary! The point is it keeps them all on their toes, they tend to deliver a message from the heart and they have no choice but to rely on God. Kinda cool.

So Wayne preached. It was powerful stuff (I can’t believe he didn’t prep!). We are intended and will become like Jesus. It is the destiny of believers as they submit to Jesus; the process is worked out; it’s going to happen; it’s underway. The key question is not: what will I be when I grow up, rather, it is who will I be when I grow up. This struck me deep because I’ve become consumed with the what instead of the who. The text he drew from was 2 Cor. 3:7-5:5. He drove home the point of transformation, or metamorphosis—like a caterpillar changing into a butterfly. I felt hope springing up in me.Although I am dying a bit more each day, my soul is becoming more alive, more like Jesus. I am growing up as I grow old. Not through my own effort or striving, but because of the overwhelming grace and power of God. And the way I come to know this grace and power and life is through death, the death of Jesus. The cross reverses the process of death and decay. The cross mysteriously sets in motion a process, a creative and redemptive process that molds and fashions me into the glorious likeness of Jesus. Even while pressed down, I grow up. Amen.

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (2 Cor. 4:16-18)

Awakened Album

There's a new Vineyard Music album out called Awakened that features worship leaders from the Midwest. Neil does tracks 9 and 11. Check it out HERE.

Now that he's in Houston, they may revoke his tracks from the album (if you listen close you can hear his twang). Better buy it now, it is sure to become Limited Edition.

Hey, can anyone tell me what "Club Vineyard 59" is?

More on Church and Politics

Engaging article in NY Times dealing with Greg Boyd's approach to conservative politics. Click HERE.

"MAPLEWOOD, Minn. — Like most pastors who lead thriving evangelical megachurches, the Rev. Gregory A. Boyd was asked frequently to give his blessing — and the church’s — to conservative political candidates and causes..."

Church and Politics

Here's a great interview with Rich Nathan, senior pastor of Columbus Vineyard, and Jim Leffel, teaching pastor of Xenos Christian Fellowship, featured in the Columbus Dispatch.

A couple excerpts I liked:

Jim Leffel:

"...We don't feel like we need to win some kind of a political battle, to pull the levers of power to get the job done.

The church historically, when it has been at its best to bring about social change, has done so by moral persuasion on an individual level and the sacrifice of Christians setting a model for what society should look like.

And you can see that in the abolition movement, you can see that in child welfare issues historically, hospitals, schools in the Reconstruction south -- these are all initiatives there were private, that were church-driven that did not require vast commitments of the government..."

Rich Nathan:

"We speak different language than the government does. The church speaks prophetic language, and prophetic language is very different than political language. Prophetic language is absolute, and prophetic language concerns the kingdom of God ..."

The church speaks prophetically to power. It doesn't speak in political terms. In political terms, a half a loaf is sometimes better than none. Political terms speak about compromise and about horse trading, and that's all fine and I don't have a problem with that.

But that's not the terms the church speaks in. The church speaks in kingdom terms, and the church speaks in absolute terms. So there's just a clash here of the way we speak and the language we use. The church gives up its birthright when it begins speaking in political terms which require compromise, horse trading ..."

Vacation

Sorry for the long break from the blog...

We just returned yesterday from a wonderful vacation in Avalon, New Jersey. Heidi's aunt and uncle celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary. We had a great time with them and were able to make it into a vacation. Below are a few pictures. You can view more pictures by checking out the flickr photos to the right. Pictures from Lukas' 4th Birthday are there too.